Childhood memories

So a friend challenged me to post a childhood memory (from when I was 3, unlike her I don't have THAT good of a memory! so you will just have to get a childhood memory :)  My mom was awesome at Christmas time (she was all of the time, but especially at Christmas)  from making dolls, pound puppies, dresses for her 4 girls, baking goodies, baking goodies, baking goodies, she was flat out unstoppable!  She taught us the importance of helping those who were less fortunate than we were.  One year that really sticks out to me is a time we took a large box of toys and food to someone with a lot of kids and not a lot of money. We drove up with our lights off and quietly took it up to their porch, knocked on the door and ran back to the car where my dad drove away. The look on their faces when they opened the door was great.

Every year, this is where the endless baking of goodies comes into play, we would take a plate of treats to our neighbors and carol at their house.  It was probably one of my most favorite things to do at Christmas :)

Also every year we would make graham cracker houses complete with an outhouse or trading post :)  Today I made graham cracker houses with my kids :)  love it!

part two

So I talked to my doctors surgery scheduler and she said he didn't have anything until February so I was a little anxious to just get it done.   I asked my friend who did her hysterectomy and she gave me the name of her doctor.  I called and he had a spot just right after Christmas.  Perfect right?  Oh, our deductible on our insurance will go up by at least 1,000  for next year so we thought we wanted to save money...right who doesn't want to save 1,000 dollars.  Well, it just didn't feel right for me but I was at least going to see the doctor the following Monday and see.  Any time the kids would say there are 19 days till Christmas I thought there are 20 days until my surgery.  It just didn't seem right...this morning Aaron came down and kissed me and said, I think you need to wait and have it with your doctor.  I felt so happy.  It was just the right thing.  Now we can go about our holidays and not let our insurance company dictate when I am going to have my surgery!

journaling

Just a little disclaimer, I am journaling here, speaking from my heart so I will remember how I felt this day.  About a year and 2 months ago I was painting our front room and I heard a talk about children and i had an overwhelming feeling that we were going to have another little girl.  I was really excited because I had always wanted 5 kids.  I was 5th in my family and I wanted to have 5, I know it sounds weird, but my whole life I knew I wanted at least 5 kids. The only problem with that plan is that Aaron was very complete with 4.  He was done.  We had 4 beautiful children and he was content with 4.  After going to the baby blessing of our niece Erin Moses, Aaron and Sarah both fell in love with the baby.  I told him how I felt and he said that he would be willing to have another child.  We tried for about a year.  Every month I would get so excited and think surly this was the month I was going to get pregnant.  A few months ago, after another conference talk, I thought well it is up to Heavenly Father. If it is right for our family we will have another baby.  Well, I went to have an ultrasound on Friday because the fibroid in my uterus is gigantic and I have been having some serious period problems (like I am currently on day 10).  The technician said she couldn't even see the endometrium and couldn't really tell where the fibroid began and ended because it took over my whole uterus.  I am sad, but I am at peace.  I will probably have a hysterectomy soon.  My heart is sad, but today in church I was looking at all the couples who had a lot fewer children and were very happy with their life.  I love being a mom and especially a mom to a baby, but that time in my life has come and gone.  Now it is time to love and appreciate what I have and teach my children everything I can.  I cried a few times today. In the hall with a dear friend when I said, I am not going to have any more children and when I was talking to my parents and right now.  It is still tender.