Happiness :)

In the month of February I had the opportunity to ski with a great group of ladies for Ladies Day.  It was really refreshing and exhilarating skiing down the mountain.  It was fun to learn how to ski. I have tried numerous times to learn, but now I feel a lot more comfortable and confident in my ski boots. 

Any of you in the area, I will be doing it again next year.  Every Thursday in February :)

still a little sad

I am sorry my posts have been so down, but I feel this is a way I can express my sadness to those who love me.  Today  I have been having a hard time.  Whenever my parents have come to help me I have a little baby.  Today my belly and arms are empty.  Heavenly Father gave me four of my most precious gifts and now I really need to treasure them.  I can not say, what if, I have to move forward.  I know it will all work out, it is just a little sad.

Today while my family was at church I read this article.  What a beautiful point of view.  I haven't lost a child, just the opportunity to have more children.  I love that Heavenly Father knows me and will strengthen me through my trials (even if they seem small to others). 

a little more journaling

Yesterday finally came.  I had been battling with the insurance company until Tuesday morning about my surgery.  They didn't think it was medically necessary.  I told them that bleeding for 45 days is not medically necessary.  They relented.  Yesterday I had my hysterectomy.  The surgery went better then I expected, I have two little incisions on my side and one through my belly button.  What I wasn't prepared for was the CO2 gas that they pumped into my stomach to isolate the uterus.  It traveled and got lodged in my diaphragm and then went up my nerves to my shoulders.  This afternoon I really my dad said something funny and I started laughing and then all of a sudden I couldn't breathe.  I have never had an asthma attack, but I bet it feels similar.  I put a heat pack on and took an antacid hoping either would work. One or the other helped a lot.  I still have pain, but not nearly as much.

I cried with my mom today about never having kids again. It was a sad moment.  I love my family and my four children, but I always thought there was one more.  Who knows, one more just might come in an unexpected way :)

Thanks for all the love and support!