I am sorry my posts have been so down, but I feel this is a way I can express my sadness to those who love me. Today I have been having a hard time. Whenever my parents have come to help me I have a little baby. Today my belly and arms are empty. Heavenly Father gave me four of my most precious gifts and now I really need to treasure them. I can not say, what if, I have to move forward. I know it will all work out, it is just a little sad.
Today while my family was at church I read this article. What a beautiful point of view. I haven't lost a child, just the opportunity to have more children. I love that Heavenly Father knows me and will strengthen me through my trials (even if they seem small to others).
2 comments:
Julie, I am amazed at how trials hit us in different ways, and how our reactions are so varied. I heard my entire life about miscarrying and D&C's (thought my mom had neither one). But when I miscarried for the second time and had to have a D&C it was awful. I felt so bad for all the women I knew who had to go through one, and how I was so clueless to how they might have felt. I was very sad and empty and felt...kind of like a failure. I was surprised by my reaction and as I shared it with other women, I got more support and stories than I expected. We women walk around, doing our busy jobs as moms and working moms, not really knowing the heartache we have individually gone through, whether it be losing a baby or losing our baby-making parts. The heartache is similar.
I think I shared with you before how I grieved for about 18 months after having Eliza because I knew she was the last. And at crazy times I would think I wanted one more baby, but I really did KNOW in my heart I was done. It was so difficult. I cried a lot. Jeff probably thought I was a basket case a few times, and I probably was. I'm sorry this is not what you would choose, but know that it's okay to grieve about it. You are an awesome mom and an awesome person.
**Virtual hugs***
should say, "though my mom had neither one"
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